QUESTION OF THE DAY…Do you trust happiness?
So the other night I was having dinner with an old friend, and we were both commenting on how happy we are at this moment in our lives (a notable fact, since both of have been THROUGH SOME SHIT) and as we spoke about how good things were going, I slowly realized that this whole conversation about our hard-earned contentment was making us both really nervous. I started looking around for wood to knock on, for instance. And my friend started qualifying her statements about her beautiful new peace-of-mind with superstitious comments like, "I mean, I know my luck can change at any moment…" And I actually overheard myself saying, "I hope I don't awaken up some demon of misery by mentioning how good things are going…"
Which made me realize: Oh, dear. We don't really trust our happiness, do we?
Which then made me think: What the F?
Because I've been a full-out crusader for happiness for years now, and a veritable spokesmodel against misery. I have fought hard, and continue to fight hard every day, for a good life. I am the last person in the world whom I would ever suspect of fearing joy, but I guess I still have a little trace of that anxiety in me. Why else would I still hesitate to speak these words: "I am happy" without feeling some odd dark medieval primal fear that, merely by speaking this statement, I will cause the roof over my head to collapse upon me because of…what? Retaliation? A balancing of the scales of fortune? Some old stubborn Protestant notion that God does not wish for us to be contented? A sense that even to be MOST GRATEFULLY contented is to risk hubris and the wrath of Zeus? A over-anxious awareness that ALL THIS CAN BE TAKEN FROM ME IN AN INSTANT and then misery will strike again, and thus I should sleep with one eye open?
But sleeping with one eye open doesn't make for very restful sleep, does it?
So what is it?
Do you guys have this?
What are we to make of it?
I don't want to be that person — not even a trace of that person.
Because it is a good thing to be happy, and it is a fine thing to know that contentment is a rare gift worthy of sincere appreciation. Why should we waste our good days worrying about the bad ones that might come in the future? Surely trouble will find us if it wants to (trouble always knows where we live, after all) but why call its name? If things are going well, just let things go well, and be grateful.
I gotta ponder this one, because I really surprised myself the other night.
Curious to hear your thoughts, oh wise crew.
Have a beautiful day!
Liz
