READY AS I'LL EVER BE…
Dear Ones –
I took this photo at 6am this morning in Seattle, getting ready (in the green dress you all kindly selected!) for the 7th stop of Oprah's The Life You Want Tour.
Let me tell you something about life on the road. Some days you are more confident than others. Some days it flows out so certain, so easy. But other days, you have to dig a bit deeper, to find your power.
I've been distracted over the last few days by myself, in a way that isn't necessarily helpful. (My friend Rayya and I call this state of mind "feeling our humanity," and it usually means: processing some pretty hard stuff.) Not to go into great detail, but twice in the last few weeks, I have lost my temper in ways that took me by surprise, and humbled me. Both times, it was in professional settings, and both times I felt like I was defending myself or holding vital boundaries, but I lost control of my emotions, and I lost my perspective, and certainly went blind to the holiness of the other people in the room. I didn't start screaming or throwing things, but I didn't love the way I acted — this is not at all the person I strive to be — and I have been processing some serious shame this week over having failed to rise to my highest self. I certainly did not BRING THE LIGHT, as I always strive to.
So when you're in that place, feeling that you have let yourself down, and then you have to go on stage (as I've had to do three times this week) to dispel life advice to others….well, sometimes you can feel a little shaky on your feet.
And yet, and yet…that "humanity" I've been feeling so hard this week is also the humanity of connection, of honesty, of the reality of life in a human experience. We've all been there. We are all working through our stuff, fighting our way to the light, trying to move on past our shortcomings. So I try to bring that truth to the stage, too. Like: We are all in this hard but magnificent game together.
I read a lovely quote recently from the actor John Cleese. He was asked who his hero was, and he said, "Most people. Because everyone is doing their best."
What I will try to bring to the stage today (beneath my words) is an awareness of this truth — that it is not always easy, that sometimes we let ourselves down, that our humanity can sometimes feel cracked and heavy and deeply flawed…and we might not be where or who we want to be yet…and still: we are all doing our best. We rise and do our best. That's the heroic part.
So now I'm gonna dry my hair and put on my SPANX and stand tall in my own boots and my own truth, and go speak the best and highest love I can to a giant room full of beautiful beings. All of us, feeling our humanity.
It's not perfect…but it's so, so perfect.