MY BRILLIANT ATHLETIC CAREER:
I just stumbled upon this (slightly disintegrating) old photo of me, "playing" basketball in high school. Look at that focus! That determination! That form!
You guys, seriously, I was SO good! I scored an average of 3 to 5 points per game! I could jump upwards of 2 inches off the ground! I went into every confrontation on the court picturing well in advance all the different ways that I could potentially be injured, and then held back and protected myself accordingly! During long and tiring laps up and down the court, I would ponder psychological questions like, "Why do we even compete, as a species? Does it truly matter who wins? They seem like nice people…we're nice people…why must we be enemies? In a different universe, I would go to THAT school, and those girls, who are now my rivals, would be my friends…so how can I now desire to see them eliminated from the regional quarter finals of the Berkshires League Class S tournament?"
People, I was ON FIRE!
Also, that year (1986) our coach said about our team, "The girls this year are short, but slow."
What this photo does not demonstrate well, unfortunately, is my fantastic hair style! Here's how I got it: I cut out a picture of George Michael from Rolling Stone magazine and asked my mom (my stylist) to please cut and color my hair just like his. It turned out to be a really good look for me. Here's a link to the hairstyle in question:
Here is what I can honestly say: I looked a LOT like George Michael. People called me "sir". Which is what every teenage girl dreams of, of course.
And that, in conclusion, is how I got the boys.