"Hi. Do you love to laugh? I'm Liz Gilbert, and I'm here to recommend a book."
Dear Ones –
Please go buy yourself a copy of TEXTS FROM JANE EYRE, written by Mallory Ortberg, who is such a genius that I can barely even handle it.
It's hilarious, but it's especially hilarious if you 1) love literary classics, and 2) you spend a lot of time texting.
(Which describes me perfectly. And maybe also describes you?)
So here's what Mallory does: She takes famous literary classics and re-imagines them as text conversations.
Which is how you suddenly get Edward Rochester desperately texting Jane Eyre, begging her to come back to him, and to run off to France with him. She refuses. He texts:
"I KNEW IT.
DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?"
"BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESNT EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC
IF THATS WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT"
You also have Scarlett O'Hara texting to Ashley Wilkes: "where r u? guess what kind of corset im wearing"
You also get Lord Byron texting a friend: "uuuuuuuggggghhh my life."
Or Cathy, texting Heathcliff: "I love you SO MUCH i'm going to write your name all over my books and then i'm going to have someone else's baby and then DIE"
Or Hamlet: "he's not my real dad why do you even like him"
Or Eponine to Marius, from Les Miserables: "marius where are you i am at the barricade with your note" (His reply: "sorry new phone who is this")
OK, it's probably a copyright violation that I'm quoting so much of this book but it's brilliant and funny and I want you to know how brilliant and funny it is. Just know that it's awesome, and it seems right up your alley…so many of you beautiful book geeks whom I love so much, OMG.
Go get it.