Yesterday I wrote on Twitter, "I've never seen any life transformation that didn't begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit."
(My own life transformation MOST DEFINITELY included.)
Can you think of an example of anyone who ever earnestly changed themselves without first doing an honest accounting of their own mess? Or without taking accountability for their own dysfunctional behaviors, their own self-inflicted dramas, their own role in the dreadful storyline, their own lies, their own manipulations, their own willful blindness, their own enabling, their own addiction to being the victim, their own addiction to aggression, to fear, to blame, to never being wrong, or to always being wrong?
I don't mean to say that transformation begins with sitting down and whipping yourself into a hot froth of shame for all your horrible faults. (Addiction to self-abuse is just another garbage storyline — another way of delaying your own transcendence and dragging attention and energy away from your destiny.)
But I've never seen any sincere transformation that didn't start with somebody sitting down and being soberly, calmly, bravely honest with herself.
My life started to change the day I finally found the clarity and maturity to say: "This is the bullshit that you keep perpetuating, Liz. And this is the bullshit that has to stop."
Curiously, this is a moment that didn't happen merely once in my life; it has happened several times, around several different key emotional issues. I just had another big emotional epiphany in the last several months, which has brought along another long overdue shift in my own behavior toward others. But the first step is always, always, ALWAYS identifying my own role in the problem. And then refusing to accept any arguments from myself about my ability to change that storyline. Get whatever help you need to change it, but change it. Once you are clear and decided, the wheels of transformation start to turn.
Don't let your ego or your damage con you into thinking that change is possible for other people, but not for you.
Don't be seduced by your limitations. They have nothing to offer you but stagnation.